It is a
mysterious place to the outside world. Surrounded by hills, located in a
peaceful corner of the famously crowded Mong Kok,
following practices of a traditional religion in the fast changing and modern
world, it is a green house of mine. That is my secondary school, an exception
to the outside world, a place allowed me to grow into a person I am now.
Walking upon a steep, yet remarkable path to
my classroom was my daily routine back in those remarkable years. The steepness
gave me incentive to make up earlier, so that I can earn more time on the path.
To prevent being over-whelmed by sweat and exhaustion, the healthy habit of
sleeping and waking early is formed. There are unpleasant, yet precious
memories in my growth.
The
unique structure of my school building grew with me too. The main building is
conjoined by three Victorian architectures, elegant and beautiful. The massive
and fascinating architecture of my school building confused me on my first
visit to this wonderland. Wandering
along the corridor of the fifth floor, you will have a simple understanding to
my secondary school life. My classroom is a lot larger in area than, normal
classrooms, you can still see decorations from last Christmas, photos of us on
the notice board, black scratches formed by boy’s leather shoes while they are
running around...Adjacent to the classroom, is the music room. It is a
semispherical room, designed for the sake of the quality of music performed. A
classical grand piano is stood in the middle of the room, I can still picture
us singing around the piano every music lesson.
“Hey!!”
“You can do it!” I can still remember the screams and cheers on the courtside
within the red brick wall. Competitions and sports lessons are held in the
basketball court, me and my follow schoolmates gave out our sweat; of youth in
this well-constructed sports ground.
Every time there are competitions and races, me and my classmates will shout
and cheer for athletes representing our class. United and passionate, we are
always willing to join these exciting feasts of sports as a whole, our morale
is so strong that seems like the wall of red bricks will collapse due to our
ultra-sound emitted.
Another
popular site is the canteen and it is located in a small valley. There are no
fish balls, no instant noodles, and no junk food provided, but surprisingly, it
is always flooded with oceans of students. The best adjective of describing our
canteen is noisy. Not only the noise of students eating their meals, nut also
the sound of students discussing their project or chatting.
One more important thing of our canteen that
deserve a mention is that the scent of cooked rice will run into every corners
of the campus, and into our sensory system before every single lunch time. It
gave us hope, and motivation of not to sleep during boring lessons.
We love to share our words and our lives in
this valley of love, friendship and care.
Those
six years of youth and passion may not be perfect, but every drop of tears and
sparkling smile made my experience remarkable.
I like your first two paragraphs. It really gives me the feelings of peace. You made a good contrast between crowded Mong Kok and your school. I wonder which school you’re in, cuz I live in Mong Kok and barely can I found a peaceful corner.
回覆刪除These paragraphs are well related to the “wonderland” in the 4th paragraph. This makes me think back to my secondary school life: it’s peaceful, it’s wonderful, and it’s the best part of my life:)
After reading your essay, I feel that I had been really visited your school once. I wonder where can I find such a "wonderland" place in MongKok because I usually wander in there too. You mentioned that your school is conjoined by three Victorian architecture. It implies that it has a very long history. I think that studying in such a good place can make you a really happy childhood. I am so jealous :).
回覆刪除I like the passage. It reminds me of my secondary school life which is such reminiscent that makes me feel kinda empty now. Haha
回覆刪除I strongly agree 'it is a place allowed me to grow into a person I am now'.
The image of your school is clear.
But I think a more delicate description of the memory in your school can be made. You can link the memory more on the scenery which makes your passage more infectious.
I like the start of your essay, it is very catchy and attract readers to continue reading your essay. Plus, the descriptions in your essay are pretty coherent and detailed. As I read along, I can really visualise the various scenarios and objects mentioned. In addition, I really like your idea in describing your secondary school, it makes me feel very nostalgic.
回覆刪除Your description towards your secondary school is vivid. It reminds me of the good times that I spent at my own secondary school. However, I think it will be a good idea if you can tell the readers why your school is so unique or why it is remarkable for you through your essay, thus they should read about it.
回覆刪除Hi i am Saily,
回覆刪除I particularly like what you want to show on this essay. I believe that you want to express your thankful feeling to your secondary school, which brought you up like a mother in the past six years. However, your essay is not powerful enough. As you just described the structure and design of your school. And those things are the general characteristics of all secondary school in Hong Kong. It is hard to see why do think your secondary means something to you. To curb this problem, it is suggested that you can link the description of your school with your experience. For example, instead of just telling us how do your classroom look like, you can tell us what happened in this classroom that you think you have to tell the readers. You need not to describe all characteristics of your school, if you only tell us about one place of your school, but your experience on there is special and inspiring, it can still be a good essay.
Besides, it’s a bit strange that you said “ The steepness gave me incentive to make up earlier, so that I can earn more time on the path.” on the third paragraph…